Elaan of Troyius - I've Heard of Shipping, but This Is Ridiculous
Racism and sexism in a single episode? This is The Paradise Syndrome all over again! Just kidding, it's actually very different except that it's a racism and sexism episode. Elaan of Troyius is maybe supposed to be a reference to Helen of Troy (I wouldn't know) but all I got from it was that John Meredyth Lucas was gooning racistly the whole time. It's an atrocious episode. I would say it has zero redeeming qualities but, hey, at least they could finally be bothered to paint a guy blue-green again for the first time since The Gamesters of Triskelion.
The Enterprise are escorting a woman named Elaan who we're told is the Dohlman of Elas. We will never learn what that means, but what matters is that she's been used as a bargaining chip by her planet's Council of Nobles who have sold her as a bride to the King of Troyius to end a war between their planets. We will be told throughout the episode that the Elasians are violent savages, but Elaan is the most (the only, really) sympathetic character in the episode. Also on board is a Troyian "diplomat", and you'll have to excuse me for rolling my eyes at that word as he spends the first two acts screaming about how much he hates Elaan for her vile Elasian ways, and the second two acts recuperating from getting stabbed by Elaan for going to her room and screaming at her.
Elasian sure sounds like Asian, doesn't it? It sure would be uncomfortable if Elaan was played by an Asian actress, wouldn't it? Well, she is, and the episode is largely about how (El)Asian women are fiendish temptresses who weaponize their sexuality against men to manipulate them into doing their bidding. In one particularly grotesque scene, Kirk slaps her across the face for throwing what I'm supposed to consider a childish tantrum when all of the men on the ship are screaming at her that she needs to shut up and be a good little wife to the King. Why exactly is this Kirk's problem, anyway? Well, because these planets are right on the border of Federation/Klingon space, and the Klingons seem to want Elas for themselves for some reason, so it must be bad. Also, it has to be Kirk's problem, because the diplomat who was supposed to do the job is recuperating from getting stabbed by Elaan for going to her room and screaming at her! Anyway, Kirk gives up on teaching this ignorant (El)Asian woman how to use silverware and slaps her. He's threatening to break out the old Earth custom of spanking when Elaan starts crying. Kirk forgets what he heard two minutes ago – that (El)Asian women's tears are effectively an incurable love potion for any man who touches them – and wipes her tears away, thereby becoming permanently bound to her will. She coyly asks to hear more about this "spanking" thing as they passionately kiss and we fade to black. John Meredyth Lucas continues gooning.
Don't worry too much about that incurable love potion thing. It basically doesn't affect Kirk's behavior in any material way besides making him have sex with a hot (El)Asian woman one time. He spends the rest of the episode looking at her with an expression of "ah, jeez, what am I gonna do with you?" and that's pretty much it. In the end, as McCoy announces the completion of his love potion antidote right after Elaan leaves, Spock explains very scientifically and logically that the true antidote to an (El)Asian woman is to already be in love with a spaceship, which Kirk is. I guess the Troyians better start building some sexy, sexy spaceships or they're going to be in big trouble!
None of this is really the plot of the episode. The plot of the episode is that one of Elaan's guards is secretly working for the Klingons because he was in love with her and was angry about the marriage. He puts a bomb on their warp drive before a Klingon ship does a fake-out attack, intending to kill all of them in such a way that the Federation would not be able to retaliate, as if the Federation would hear about this and go "well, they've got us there! Technically, they weren't touching us." Thankfully, Scotty discovers the bomb just in the nick of time, despite his protestations at having to do any work after learning that an enemy was messing with their engines. Have I mentioned I hate this guy? It turns out that the Klingons want Elas because of its enormous supply of dilithium crystals, which are so common that Elaan is wearing them as a necklace when she enters the bridge in her fifth costume change of the episode and is surprised to see everyone frantically asking for them to fix their warp drive. Thanks to women and their tendency to be shopping, they are able to blow up the Klingons' ship before it can blow up theirs. Hooray! The Troyian diplomat recovers from being stabbed, Elaan has apparently learned a lesson about something for some reason, and everyone lives happily ever after.
What is this episode about, really? Is it about cross-cultural tolerance and acceptance? I might have been fooled into thinking that if I had stopped watching five minutes in when Kirk told the diplomat to earnestly try to find common ground with Elaan, but then she stabs him and Kirk slaps her and becomes mind-controlled by her tears. Is it about the importance of "civilized manners"? I can't tell if I'm supposed to be on Kirk's side or Elaan's. Watching this as a woke SJW with brown hair and pronouns in 2025, it's impossible for me to see Elaan as anything but a victim, a pawn given as a gift to end a war that is entirely unrelated to the actual plot of the episode. It would be a safe bet to just say that it's another episode about how the Federation and the Klingons hate each other, and move on with my life. I hate to say it, but I think this might be an episode about John Meredyth Lucas gooning. I hated watching this episode. Go do that somewhere else, John!